


Shadow

by battoff



Series: If I [Come Out], It’s On My Own Terms [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Disabled Character, Disabled Jake Dillinger, Gen, Trans Character, Trans Jake Dillinger, Trans Male Character, and it aint my writing if I dont cross ships, does he count as disabled, i love ply ships okay, probably hes in a wheelchair and cant walk more than a couple hundred feet a day, thats not a lot btw thats like just down the street, theres some lowkey meremine if you squint, theyre gonna make some guest appearances in future works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-29 09:41:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12628185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/battoff/pseuds/battoff
Summary: The one where Christine is a good friend and Jake panics.





	Shadow

**Author's Note:**

> I’m kinda in a “write trans Jake because no one else will” kinda mood but I’m also bad at writing if it’s not, like, a couple hundred words or two thousand. So sorry if this is weird but, hey, I love writing Jake’s relationships with his friends. He is extremely affectionate with his friends by the way.

Jake is a living, breathing puppet if you ever saw one. At least, during play rehearsal. He accepts the give and take of everyone’s expectations for whatever role he’s playing. His voice changes its tone, its lilt, its octave. His expression morphs into whatever they need it to be. If there’s a time when he gets out of his wheelchair ~~against the instructions of his physiotherapist~~ , it’s during play rehearsal to change his gait and really set the character in motion.

Christine _loves_ to see him act, he can just tell. From the way she practically bounces over to him with word from Mr. Reyes that he’s up for a line reading in five. From the way her eyes burn holes in his back as he recites a monologue with as much emphasis on how _stupid_ Romeo is as he can. It’s not that she doesn’t love watching everyone act. It’s just that she’s more of an actress than she is a part of the audience.

She pulls him aside one day after play rehearsal is done and he’s absolutely ready to have anyone bring him to their place to sleep. “You did really good today, Jake. Keep it up!”

“Thanks duck.” He rubs her hair affectionately, earning giggles from her. He’s glad they’re friends, glad they could move past junior year despite, well, him. It helped that he was apparently good at acting. “Wanna take me home tonight?”

“Is Jake Dillinger propositioning me?” She keeps the shocked look on her face for a total of five seconds before breaking out into a fit of giggles. “Yeah Jakey, sleep in the guest bedroom tonight.”

“Baller.”

…

They’re sat on Christine’s bed with stomachs plump from all the lo mein Christine’s Baba made for dinner. Slightly drained from play rehearsal, they laugh about seemingly random things in their sleep exhausted state.

“Hey.”

“Hey yourself.”

Christine nearly shoves him off the bed. “Shuddup. You gotta tell me. How d’you do it?”

“Do what?”

Jake watches as she reaches out to the ceiling, clenching and unclenching her hand around some foreign concept. “Get so into character, like,” she sounds breathless, “wow. Your mannerisms and voice and just— _wow_.”

A blush burns his face at the comment. “I dunno. I just do it. I’ve always been good at changing my voice.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I think I read about it somewhere—mimicry? I guess.”

“Wikipedia?”

“You know it.”

They laugh again, not coming back for several minutes. Then, Christine is in his field of vision, straddling his hips and he can’t help but realize he is oddly comfortable with his friends. “Can you do me?” His eyebrows shoot up, eyes widening and fall to where she’s sat on top of him. “Not like that, you dingus. Like, copy my voice. Can you do that?”

“I mean, I can do almost everyone in our immediate friend group so,” he trails off, Christine’s body practically humming with excitement. Coughing, he rearranges himself in a way that’s distinctly _her_. “I love play rehearsal,” comes his voice, high and dysphoric but it’s fine because it’s for Christine. “Because it’s the best! Because it is fun—”

She shakes his shoulders before he can continue. “Jake! That was so good! How’d you get your voice that high? You really sounded like me, wow.”

“‘Cause I’m not a guy?” She pauses. It’s dead silent. “I mean, I’m a guy. I’m totally a guy I just,” his voice cracks and, suddenly, it’s not the goofy tone. His voice is back to how it was in middle school before all the practice and the teasing and _why is he panicking now_?

“Hey, hey, Jake calm down.” She wipes away tears he didn’t even notice were falling. His breath shudders on the exhale and his binder feels too tight. Everything feels too much and too little all at once and— and—

He comes back to Christine’s hand, calloused from working backstage and tending to her family’s garden, rubbing against his cheek. She’s whispering for him to come back to her. Where did he even go? He was just… gone. His heart doesn’t feel entirely there, neither does his brain, but his mouth can move. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” She kisses his forehead, quick and sweet and _Christine_. Despite how anxious she must be to move onto another topic, to lose focus and maybe fall asleep, her attention is solely on him. “I’m glad you came back to me.”

It’s something he’s only ever heard when she or Michael were talking Jeremy down. He definitely didn’t have what Jeremy usually goes through but he’s exhausted now. Understands why Jeremy usually goes home or spends the rest of play rehearsal in the sound booth after it happens.

He looks up at Christine, her eyes open, calming, wonderful, and he wonders why she tolerates him. “I’m a guy.”

“You’re a guy.”

“I’m not a girl.”

“Never.”

Despite how tired he is, there’s a relief in the pressure on his chest. Like his body is somehow aware that it doesn’t have to be absolutely perfect and masculine around another person. “I’m glad I told you.”

She smiles down at him. “I’m glad you told me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently, duck is an old term of endearment from the 1600s that was used in “Midsummer Night’s Dream” and fuck if Jake isn’t the kind of guy who will call his friends things he thinks they’ll like. Spoiler: They love it when he does this, they think it’s adorable. 
> 
> Fun fact: Christine has two (2) dads and a surrogate mom. One of her dads is a trans man.


End file.
